right now i am overwhelmed. with finances, with my home, my garage, my van. with case management work. with my fatigue. i'm sick and tired of being sick and tired. i know that is such a cliche, but it is honestly how i feel at the moment. sometimes i wonder if i will ever have energy again. sometimes i have energy spurts, but they usually don't last very long. it makes me feel like such a stinky wife and mother.
i know that His grace is sufficient for me and that His power is made perfect in my weakness. sometimes I just don't tap into that.
we have a full week ahead including hours of meetings for me tonight and tomorrow. blah.
the other night i was at my little brother's house in fayetteville. him and some friends were having an impromptu concert. there were several college students there. kids that love God and have their whole lives ahead of them. we were all sitting on the floor in the dark room and as one of my friends was singing, tears unexpectedly pricked my eyes. i was thinking about missions and dreams and being young. not necessarily being a stay at home mom of two little ones with colored walls, a swollen belly, stacks of bills and extreme fatigue. (not that i would trade my husband or kids for the whole world.) i don't know, i just felt sad for a moment and the Lord gently reminded me that this is just a season. as all the different times of life are. the happy ones and the tough ones. even though the first few months after having sophie were so incredibly hard in so many ways, they were also some of the sweetest. i miss those times. maybe at some point i will look back at this season with fond memories. i know i will miss the stage that grace is at now. she is so precious and is learning new words and things every day. i will miss sophie's quirky little faces and funny expressions too.
i probably won't miss the heaving and the exhaustion and the early mornings and the colored walls.
it's all just a season.
now, back to work...